Schoolhouse Rock

This post might be a little whiny. I'm just throwing that out there at the start.

First - some history:

My girls have gone to private school for the last 4 years.  Drama started in kindergarten as a homeschooler, and though we survived that year, it was not something we decided should be a long term solution for us and we found a private school that we were happy with.  And she went there for first and second grades.

The next year, it was time for Mischief to start pre-k and that particular private school did not have a pre-k class schedule that worked with our real life job schedule, so we searched and found another private school that both could go to.

It was a hard transition for Drama, but one that we felt would work itself out with a bit of time and we felt good about what it meant for our family (the girls were together! I could actually work a bit! it was still a Christian private school!).  Third grade was hard for Drama at first - new school, new friends, new lessons. . .but after a month or two - she fell into the groove and was happy.  After the first semester we worried actually that she might not be getting enough challenge - but decided to let it go and give her a year to adjust. Mischief fell into that groove from the very first minute and loved school and friends and recess.

Then fourth grade came, and with it, an onslaught of issues and concerns for my little 9 year old Drama.  To begin with, she was the only girl in her class.  My petite, little, fun sized girl, in a class by herself with boys. But her teacher was awesome, and fun, and acutely aware of the social concerns I had about this, and so we decided to go with it.

About 6 weeks in to the school year, the PreK/Kindergarten teacher quit suddenly and to fill the gap in that classroom, Drama's teacher took over Prek/K and another teacher who had been working basically part time took over Drama's class.  Instant concern.

I called the school administrator and we chatted.  We talked about my social concerns, we talked about Drama's need for additional work and challenges and we agreed that we would let Drama move part time to the fifth grade class. The plan was:  4 subjects in 4th grade and 3 subjects in 5th grade (5th grade had some girls about her age).  It seemed like an excellent solution to our worries.

However- shortly after this decision was made, several new students came into the school, and the 5th grade class no longer had space for Drama to come visit. And so - she stayed in her class, without girlfriends, doing her 5th grade work, without a 5th grade teacher.

Angry doesn't begin to cover it. And not angry AT anyone particular. Just general, maternal anger. My little girl, alone. . .teaching herself how to diagram sentences and do math. She is crazy smart and she worked crazy hard to learn everything without bothering anyone. . .and so she slipped through the cracks.  She didn't cause problems like the boy she had to punch, she didn't act snotty like the older girls she had to learn to ignore; she did her work, she did it well, she did it alone.

Through the year we tried various things to expand her social group - she joined the middle school (5th - 8th) cheer-leading squad which then got taken over by the high school girls who treated my darling 9 year old like 16 year old girls are likely to do (ie. . .like trash. and i had to get my cranky pants on about that).  We called friends from her previous school and our previous church, but it wasn't the same as having friends in class she could chat with daily.

and my heart broke to watch my little girl, trudging through school alone, putting on her brave face, working so hard

And so, at the end of this year, F and I begin to talk about options.  And we struggled.  And we researched. And we struggled. And we procrastinated. And we struggled.

And it boiled down to this:  I couldn't stand the thought of my little Drama going through that again. I couldn't stand the thought of watching her continue to trudge, continue to be sad, continue to just survive.  I want to watch her thrive.

It is possible that next year at this small private school, there will be a sudden shift in the demographics and the 5th grade class will be highly populated by females.  But there is also the chance that this won't happen.

And so - next year, both girls are going to public school.  And I'm relieved and thrilled (and a little stressed).  Not stressed by public school itself - I went to public school and loved it - but by the sheer SIZE of the school.

Mischief responded to this news with a little "Cool!" and she went on her way.  She had some tears the very last day of school as she realized she wouldn't see those friends as much, but in general she handled it very well.

Drama. . . the corners of her mouth twitched into the slightest of smiles. A little private smile that showed just how much she was keeping her unhappiness to herself - that she didn't want to give away her feelings. But the twitch was all I needed to know we had made the right decision. She is too young to have to guard herself that way, and I pray it isn't too late to break down the barriers she obviously built up this year. She later asked me about the size of the library, the size of the computer lab, the size of the classrooms.  She said goodbye to her classmates without tears, but with tact and dignity.

And she walked out - with a perfect straight A average, with test scores of 73 "100" grades out of 84 tests, in subjects she had taught herself.

She is so. so. amazing.