There are things in life that occasionally cause me to think - "Now this is just pure misery". The zillionth load of laundry. Cleaning up after the babysitter leaves a mess. Working outside in the July heat. Being 8 months pregnant in the July heat. But today - today topped all of those things.
Today was the dentist. A little backstory - I hate the dentist. Hate. It. Enormously. I had a ton of dental work done when I was younger and have a severe strong internal link between dental work and anxiety. None of my work was exceptionally painful - just everytime I went I was fussed at "You don't floss enough", given something disgusting to gargle, given a shot, had a tooth pulled, had molds made where I felt like I was choking on the substance in my throat, something uncomfortable and irritating. Add that to looooooong visits where I stayed in the chair for 4+ hours for fittings and refittings and the fact that my dentist - while good, wasn't exactly child-friendly and just thinking of going to the dentist causes my stomach to knot and contract and my head to throb. Lovely - ain't it?
So I rarely go. Like once every 3 years or so - normally only because something hurts to the point that I can't put it off anymore. I've discovered that a root canal is not the torturous event I'd imagined it to be, and I'd rather have one of those than a simple cleaning/filling visit. But, with my children I was determined that they wouldn't have this irrational fear. My kids would like the dentist.
It took me a while to find one that I liked - and its a great place. Tailored totally toward kids, the waiting room is open and light and painted like a forest with books and a movie playing and video games. Drama Queen really likes it. She's been twice before for cleanings and its gone very well. The hygenists and assistants tell her they are going to make her teeth shine with princess sparkles and they give her prizes when she leaves. Last week we went for her cleaning and she enjoyed it - but then they gave us the news. They had found. A. Cavity.
So today we went back to have it filled. They gave her laughing gas which for some reason didn't seem to work - she wasn't getting enough to have any effect. Which means she felt it when they gave her the novicaine. And she began to scream. And cry. I held her hand and talked her through it and tried to get her to calm down. But there was no calming to be done. "It hurts, it hurts, it hurts really bad mommy." "Mommy I need you - hold my hand." She cried and I told her that now - it wouldn't hurt anymore. She wouldn't be able to feel anything after this. But either she could - or she thought she could. She screamed and cried when they put the ring on her tooth, she cried when they did the "rain coat" - after each thing they did she would say "Are you done?" and then cry when they said no. Eventually they had to put her in a "Papoose". Basically a full body straight jacket to keep her from moving and hurting either herself or the dentist. But it was sheer torture for me. Now I couldn't touch her - I was relegated to the back of the room while they continued to work on her. One little cavity - so much torment. Now she cried and screamed continually. The dentist tried to get her to calm down and was working as fast as she could to finish up. And I stood helplessly by listening to her cries. Holding back my own tears so she wouldn't see my pain. So she would only see her mommy being brave. But it was pure misery. Seeing my child in pain, hearing her cry out for me, crying for it to be over and having to stand aside, not being able to comfort her, not being able to help her. Pure misery.
Later I held her and told her I loved her, and let her see me cry so she would know I didn't like watching that, letting her know that I loved her. Then we went for ice cream. She is almost over it by now - her cheek almost returning to its normal smiley state, her mind almost letting her think of other things. I hope that she doesn't remember much about this later and that it is a long long long time before we have to have another cavity filled and that by then she will have forgotten this completely.
I can only imagine how horrible it would be to have to watch that same scene under different circumstances - when a child is truly in danger, in true pain, and to stand by and watch your child, that you love and want only to protect and comfort and only want to experience joy and laughter, and not be able to reach out and comfort.
Oh God - the misery.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Monday, April 16, 2007
Thanks for Nothing
So remember before - when I talked about the oxygen mask thing? Apparently my husband was listening. Because this past weekend - he gave me nothing. I mean, not that he didn't give me anything - he gave me nothing. He planned a weekend away for the two of us, took care of child care, planned some super relaxing stuff and some time for nothing. It was awesome. I had a personal yoga class and an hour massage followed by a nap and dinner at a really nice restaurant.
And then? I curled up in a rocking chair on the back porch, wrapped up in a blanket, read a book and listened to the rain hitting the tin roof overhead. It was almost surreal. I can't remember the last time I simply had nothing to do. I listened to the tree frogs calling out to each other as the rain drummed overhead, consumed by a book that I had bought the day before. It wasn't even a spectacular book - following two friends from college through out their life. But it was mine for the moment - a story I could read without a purpose, without a study that followed it, a lesson plan to write, a moral to teach from. I wallowed in the luxuriousness of it all - I felt pampered, indulgent.
Earlier in the day I had laid in a restorative bridge pose and imagined a clear brilliant blue sky and placed my stresses from the past and my worries for the future on imagined clouds and watched as the wind blew them away. I breathed in with the air the things that make me smile and exhaled the things that form my frowns. I had laid in corpse pose and focused on only the sound of my breath and movement of my rib cage. I had placed my hands in namaste and extended a thought of thankfulness and love to myself for attending the class, to my husband and his sister for planning my day, for my friends for watching my children, to the world and the events that had aligned to make it all possible. I marveled at the serenity within me - I felt renewed and almost ethereal, as my instructor said - this was the real me.
Then the massage, where a lovely woman worked the kinks out of my neck and back and shoulders and massaged lotion into my skin in a room warm with lavendar scents and hospitality. We chatted amicably initially but as she worked we fell into a comfortable silence and I found myself almost dozing. When I left my skin was soft and warm, my muscles were relaxed and I felt as though I could simply melt into a small puddle as I didn't have the tension necessary to remain upright.
Later that night, after all of this- I laid in my husband's arms and thought of the day and again I felt all of these things - warm and relaxed, renewed and ethereal, pampered and indulgent. But most of all - I felt appreciated, important and loved.
So darling? Thanks for nothing.
And then? I curled up in a rocking chair on the back porch, wrapped up in a blanket, read a book and listened to the rain hitting the tin roof overhead. It was almost surreal. I can't remember the last time I simply had nothing to do. I listened to the tree frogs calling out to each other as the rain drummed overhead, consumed by a book that I had bought the day before. It wasn't even a spectacular book - following two friends from college through out their life. But it was mine for the moment - a story I could read without a purpose, without a study that followed it, a lesson plan to write, a moral to teach from. I wallowed in the luxuriousness of it all - I felt pampered, indulgent.
Earlier in the day I had laid in a restorative bridge pose and imagined a clear brilliant blue sky and placed my stresses from the past and my worries for the future on imagined clouds and watched as the wind blew them away. I breathed in with the air the things that make me smile and exhaled the things that form my frowns. I had laid in corpse pose and focused on only the sound of my breath and movement of my rib cage. I had placed my hands in namaste and extended a thought of thankfulness and love to myself for attending the class, to my husband and his sister for planning my day, for my friends for watching my children, to the world and the events that had aligned to make it all possible. I marveled at the serenity within me - I felt renewed and almost ethereal, as my instructor said - this was the real me.
Then the massage, where a lovely woman worked the kinks out of my neck and back and shoulders and massaged lotion into my skin in a room warm with lavendar scents and hospitality. We chatted amicably initially but as she worked we fell into a comfortable silence and I found myself almost dozing. When I left my skin was soft and warm, my muscles were relaxed and I felt as though I could simply melt into a small puddle as I didn't have the tension necessary to remain upright.
Later that night, after all of this- I laid in my husband's arms and thought of the day and again I felt all of these things - warm and relaxed, renewed and ethereal, pampered and indulgent. But most of all - I felt appreciated, important and loved.
So darling? Thanks for nothing.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Smells like Teen Spirit
Wintermint actually. Its a very pleasant scent - kind of minty - but not too much eucalyptus - just a hint of sweet. And its my toilet.
Really. I have a thing about having a clean potty - it probably comes from never knowing exactly when and what PeePot is going to decide to put in there next. And that I'll get to fish out. Sometimes its a whole roll of paper. Sometimes its a toy. Sometimes its her toothbrush. Sometimes she just thinks its fun to play and splash in. I know - just close the stupid door already. And I really do try to remember. But with a 5 year old and 3 bathrooms in the house - its rare that all three doors are closed. And with said 5 year old and PeePot using those 3 toilets, they can get nasty pretty fast. So I like to clean it pretty frequently.
And I like to clean it even more often now. I've always used this and its ok. Not super fantastic but clean and convinent. But last time I was buying cleaners at Home Depot (I know - random.) they didn't have that - so I bought this instead. Not only does it clean like really really well - it smells like wintermint. So now my toilets smell like wintermint. I don't shill products. I'm really not a name brand whore. But seriously guys - minty toilets? Is that not the awesomest?
Really. I have a thing about having a clean potty - it probably comes from never knowing exactly when and what PeePot is going to decide to put in there next. And that I'll get to fish out. Sometimes its a whole roll of paper. Sometimes its a toy. Sometimes its her toothbrush. Sometimes she just thinks its fun to play and splash in. I know - just close the stupid door already. And I really do try to remember. But with a 5 year old and 3 bathrooms in the house - its rare that all three doors are closed. And with said 5 year old and PeePot using those 3 toilets, they can get nasty pretty fast. So I like to clean it pretty frequently.
And I like to clean it even more often now. I've always used this and its ok. Not super fantastic but clean and convinent. But last time I was buying cleaners at Home Depot (I know - random.) they didn't have that - so I bought this instead. Not only does it clean like really really well - it smells like wintermint. So now my toilets smell like wintermint. I don't shill products. I'm really not a name brand whore. But seriously guys - minty toilets? Is that not the awesomest?
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
The first step is admitting you have a problem
Hi, my name is Ordinary Idiot and I have a problem.
I actually have several. But the one I'm discussing now is my small cleaning supply/organizational supply problem. I'm not sure why - but I LOVE files, notepads, small baskets, big baskets, rubbermaid bins, a place for everything and everything in its place. And spray bottles, scrub brushes, mops, dusters, disinfectants, grease cutters, bleach and vacuums. You would think with all this that my house would be clutter free and a place that germs and dust FEARED. The mommy germs would tuck the smaller germs in at night and tell them stories of the HORROR that would await them should they venture into the house of Ordinary Idiot.
However, the real story is a bit different, my house is neat enough although with two kids "clutter-free" is dream. Its also clean enough but I still continue to covet the newest organizational tools and cleaners. Last night I ventured into the new Bed Bath and Beyond in my fantastic suburb and was like an addict on a high. So much organizational goodness. Racks for purses, shoes, zip bins for clothes, shelves, hangers, baskets, bins, drawer organizers. . .Did you know they make thingies that expand to any size drawer and forms multiple tiny diamond shape compartments so that you can put socks, ties, whatever in an individualized hole? Is that not the most awesomest thing you've heard in a while? And washable microfiber dusters - kind of like a swiffer - but reusable! SWEET! So I was there to buy a few things for a friend that another friend and I were helping organize a closet. And I found lots that I wanted. But the biggest thing I discovered that I wanted - I found at my friends house. A label maker. It was her husband's and I was GIDDY with the idea of using it. I labeled tons of stuff and, and, and. . .a place for everything and everything in its place!!!! So, now I want a label maker.
This label maker to be precise . Isn't it amazing? Wouldn't you love to have all sorts of things labeled in your house? Your pantry? Your computer desk drawers? Your sewing box? Your rubbermaid bins smushed in your basement?
No? Well you are just crazy. I bet you don't want one of these either.
I actually have several. But the one I'm discussing now is my small cleaning supply/organizational supply problem. I'm not sure why - but I LOVE files, notepads, small baskets, big baskets, rubbermaid bins, a place for everything and everything in its place. And spray bottles, scrub brushes, mops, dusters, disinfectants, grease cutters, bleach and vacuums. You would think with all this that my house would be clutter free and a place that germs and dust FEARED. The mommy germs would tuck the smaller germs in at night and tell them stories of the HORROR that would await them should they venture into the house of Ordinary Idiot.
However, the real story is a bit different, my house is neat enough although with two kids "clutter-free" is dream. Its also clean enough but I still continue to covet the newest organizational tools and cleaners. Last night I ventured into the new Bed Bath and Beyond in my fantastic suburb and was like an addict on a high. So much organizational goodness. Racks for purses, shoes, zip bins for clothes, shelves, hangers, baskets, bins, drawer organizers. . .Did you know they make thingies that expand to any size drawer and forms multiple tiny diamond shape compartments so that you can put socks, ties, whatever in an individualized hole? Is that not the most awesomest thing you've heard in a while? And washable microfiber dusters - kind of like a swiffer - but reusable! SWEET! So I was there to buy a few things for a friend that another friend and I were helping organize a closet. And I found lots that I wanted. But the biggest thing I discovered that I wanted - I found at my friends house. A label maker. It was her husband's and I was GIDDY with the idea of using it. I labeled tons of stuff and, and, and. . .a place for everything and everything in its place!!!! So, now I want a label maker.
This label maker to be precise . Isn't it amazing? Wouldn't you love to have all sorts of things labeled in your house? Your pantry? Your computer desk drawers? Your sewing box? Your rubbermaid bins smushed in your basement?
No? Well you are just crazy. I bet you don't want one of these either.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)