My subscription to crazy never runs out.

There are things that you know you can do. Even if you've never done them before. . .you just know you can do them - because of who you are, what you've done before, how your mind works. For example: I love math (this makes me a nerd) and I really like computers (this makes me a geek) and if anything ever forces me to do something that involves math and/or computers - even if it is new - I know I'll eventually figure it out and get it. My brain works that way.

There are other things that you know you cannot do. And you avoid them. I will never sing for an audience other than my children or my shower-head. I know that this is a good idea to protect the ears of the innocent. As a parent, my job is to occasionally show my children the darker side of the world so that they won't be shocked by real life as adults - and so they are not saved from this travesty. But for the most part - I don't sing. And I'm fine with that.

Then there are things that fall into the third tier. I CAN do them. But I'm not sure if I am good at them. They make me nervous. And stressed. And nauseated.

I'm talking here about: Speaking. In. Public.

Even if I know exactly what I am talking about. Even if I am confident in the subject matter (Math! Computers!). Ask me to talk in front of people and watch as my heart races, my breathing changes to that of a woman in labor and my eyes go wide with mind numbing fear. I can't say no. . .its not like you asked me to sing. . .but oh. . .how I wish I could run like Forrest Gump.

So I make my notes, create my power point, go over everything 700 times in my head. I lay awake at night anticipating that my presentation will go horribly wrong and will end in tears. And then - it goes fine. No disasters. No drama. I force myself to speak slowly(ish) and pause for questions. I think on my feet when the questions come and then. . .its over.

And yet. . .the next time I am asked to do this. . .my reaction will be exactly the same. I guess it is because - I have subscriptions :)