Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut

And sometimes you just feel crossed-eyed crazy. And lately - that is as good as it gets. My life has been so insane lately (hence the dramatic lack of posts).

Since the new year I've decided to actually lease a real spot for my Pilates Studio and I've been living my life while dodging the rapid fire succession of bullets that has fired. Find a place, incorporate, get an EIN (WHAT?), negotiate lease terms, sign a lease, fight with landlord about stuff, fight with county about permits, fight with power company about power, change name, rebuild website, reorder business cards and it continues on and on. Add that to my regular life (why HELLO Laundry, dishes, kids and real job!) and you have the perfect recipe for disaster. Which is what life has dissolved into as of late. Forget having a clean house and supper on the table for my family - its been step over the laundry, grab a protein bar and crash into bed. Most evenings I fall into the bed only to question . . .did I brush my teeth today? I often look at my medicine on the counter half way through the day and contemplate if I took one, or was that yesterday? Should I risk taking another one?

And sleep - sleep is a twisted siren in my life. I need it. Crave it. Totally give into the bone-tired exhausted craving for a nap several days a week only to discover that I'm just as trashed when I wake up as I was when I laid down. It takes a stronger and stronger dose of my sleeping pills to keep my insane dreams from waking me.

And day after day I question. . .is it worth it? Is following my dream worth the chaos that has descended on my life and family? Is it going to ease up soon - after I move into the location will I be able to breathe again? Or will the insanity have just begun? Right now - if I felt like A nut - it would be highly preferable to the entire nut factory I'm feeling right now.