I should be asleep

But I'm not. And I have nothing profound to say - but that it has come round again - 9/11. My daughter is on the eve of her 8th birthday and I realized that while my child was not born on this infamous day, in my mind - it was the day that she became completely, perfectly real. Not that I wasn't aware of her humanity prior to that in the womb - but in that moment, as we all watched the planes and the flames and the destruction and the fear - the enormity of parenthood hit me. How could I pretend to protect the child I was carrying? How could I think this was a good idea? How could I look at the world around me and the inability to control absolutely anything and try to raise her in it?

Yet, obviously, raising her in this world was all I could do. And while I continued to worry until she actually arrived on Sept 15, in the moments of labor and the moments of birth, I worried only that she would be healthy and perfect. And in all of the moments that have occurred with the two of us since, I've found each day has a worry of its own. A worry to keep her healthy and perfect, a worry to teach her all that is right, a worry to get to school on time and with lunch packed. Of course, I find myself worrying about bigger things of which I have no control, worrying is in my nature and I find it as easy as breathing. In fact, I often find it easier, for when my worries add up, my breathing gets kind of wonky. But for the most part, each day has enough complications and worry that leaves little time for the large, far reaching worries.

So while I will never forget the fears from that day - I believe when I am 110, I'll look at the images of that day and be instantly transported to those moments - and while today is not actually Drama Queen's birthday - I have decided that in my mind, I am going to focus on celebrating her life today - because her life is a gift - healthy, beautiful and perfect.